semisweet | and the poets were just kids who didn't make it.

i'm not a john mayer fan. i used to kind of hate him, for some reason that i can't remember. but then i noticed that he's kind of hilarious sometimes, and he collaborated with fall out boy, and he's kind of hot. so. i'm still not a fan, per se, but i like him well enough.

anyway, disclaimer aside,

thecowboycliche posted this blog he wrote in her journal and i really loved it, so i'm reposting it here so a) i'll have it, and b) maybe some of you will read it and appreciate it as well. it's kind of long, so i put part of it under a cut, but i left most of it out because, idk, i thought it was just that rad, i guess. i bolded my favorite part, because it rang so true for me.

THURSDAY, MARCH 27, 2008
FROM THE HEART....

I need to write this.

I've been traveling alone in Japan for the better part of three weeks now, and It's been so remarkable an experience for me that I can't book a ticket home yet. I haven't spoken very much out loud these days, but I've been thinking to myself in what feels like surround sound. I can see so many things clearly, and feel so connected to myself and the world around me that I need to share the perspective with you.

I'm already aware that when I sing, say or write anything, 50 percent of the response will be in support of it and the other 50 will want to discount it. This blog, though, is directed to 100 percent of people reading it. If my blog truly does have any cultural effect, then it should be used for more than just pictures of sneakers and funny youtube videos. (If you don't think my blog has any effect, than you can't by definition be reading this right now and therefore don't have to respond to it in any way. Isn't that tidy?)

What I'm about to write isn't about fame or success or celebrity or the media. That's my business.

This is about us all.

This is about a level of self consciousness so high in my generation, that it's actually toxic.

This is about the girl in her bedroom who poses in front of the camera she's awkwardly holding in her outstretched hand. She'll take a hundred photos until coming up with one she's happy with, which inevitably looks nothing like her, and after she's done poring over images of herself, will post one on her myspace page and then write something like " I don't give a f*ck what you think about me."

This is about the person trying out for American Idol, who while going off about how confident they are that they were born ready to sing in front of the world, are trembling so badly they can hardly breathe.

This is about me, the guy who walks through a throng of photographers into a restaurant like he's Paul Newman, but who leaves a "reject" pile of clothes in his closet so high that his cleaning lady can't figure out how one man can step into so many pairs of pants in a week.

This is about a young guy who maintains a celebrity blog that subsists on tearing other people down but who has wrestled with a lifelong battle for acceptance as a gay man.

This is about us all. Every one of us. Who all seem to know deep down that it's incredibly hard to be alive and interact with the world around us but will try and cover it up at any cost. For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we're all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right. And I don't want to act immune to that anymore. I took the biggest detour from myself over the past year, since I decided that I wasn't going to care about what people thought about me. I got to the point where I had so much padding on that, sure, I couldn't feel the negativity, but that's because I couldn't feel much of anything. And I think I'm done with that.

I'm not the first person to admit we're all self conscious, Kanye was. But what I want to do is to shed a little light on why we're all in the same boat, no matter the shape of the life we lead: because every one of us were told since birth that we were special. We were spoken to by name through a television. We were promised we could be anything that we wanted to be, if only we believed it and then, faster than we saw coming, we were set loose into the world to shake hands with the millions of other people who were told the exact same thing.

And really? Really? It turns out we're just not all that special, when you break it down. Beautifully unspectacular, actually. And that truth is going to catch up with us whether we want to run from it or not. The paparazzo following me to the gym ain't gonna be Herb Ritts and the guy he's following ain't gonna be Bob Dylan. It's just a matter of how old you are once you embrace that fact. And for me, 30 sounds about right.

What now, then? I can only really say for myself: Enjoy who I am, the talents and the liabilities. Stop acting careless. In fact, care more. Be vulnerable but stay away from where it hurts. Read. See more shows. Of any kind. Rock shows, art shows, boat shows. Create more art. Wear hoodies to dinner. Carry a notebook and hand it to people when they passionately recommend something and ask them to write it down for me.

Root for others.

Give more and expect the same in return, but over time.

Act nervous when I'm nervous, puzzled when I don't know what the hell to do, and smile when it all goes my way. And never in any other order than that.

And when it's all over, whether at the end of this fabulous career or of this life, which I hope takes place at the same time, I should look back and say that I had it good and I made the most of it while I was able. And so should you.

I'm going quiet now.

John

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we're all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right. And I don't want to act immune to that anymore.

amen. that blog gives me chills every time. :]

it popped up on my flist from lauren's journal and i was just kind of absently reading it, and by the end i was like YES YES YES. ♥

I've been feeling so ridiculously lonely and insecure tonight -- not too long before I read all this -- and now I just want to cry and cry and cry and feel damn good about it. Thanks... you totally salvaged my night, and perhaps sent this early early early Friday morning off to a great start.

Yay John Mayer!

I don't really know how to describe it, but I was having a really weird night, and I'm really happy that I read that. ♥

Guh, I've always held the opinion that John Mayer's an awesome musician, but kind of a selfish ass irl...this really kind of changes that, what an amazing thing to post in a blog. It's so true, it's almost frightening. If you're not a fan of his music, you should definitely give it another listen, he's ridiculously talented and *insane* live :)

i was never a really big fan of his either, but that was an amazing blog. i'm def going to have to post this in my journal so i could keep it for myself.

you go, john mayer.

giving you your props for giving him his props. ♥

his "asshole" personality is really just his sarcasm. he's waaaaaay sarcastic... like to the point where you're not sure if he's being sarcastic or not. he did once say something to the effect of he's full of shit 18 out of 24 hours a day.

i dunno if you'd like his music, because he's got kind of a blues feel going, but it's good stuff. and he IS sick live. we dragged a friend of mine to his show and he only listens to like, classic rock, and he left saying that he was the best guitarist he'd ever seen live and that'd he'd put him skill-wise up there with Clapton.

And i do love his collab with FOB.. even if he has to double over to photo op with them. :)

(http://img405.imageshack.us/my.php?image=64016069xz9.jpg)

Thank you for sharing that Tracy.

&hearts

Wow. WOW. That was awesome. I've always had a take it or leave it kind of attitude when it comes to John Mayer(aside from the interview I read where he talked about letting The Office use 'Your Body is a Wonderland' even though he knew it was a pot shot) but man. That was inspiring. Thanks for sharing. :)

I've always found his music to be equal to Tylenol PM, but I kind of really enjoy his blog. Well, the ones I've read on ontd anyway, lol.

Who all seem to know deep down that it's incredibly hard to be alive and interact with the world around us but will try and cover it up at any cost. For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we're all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right.

get the fuck out of my head, mr. mayer. :(

wow.

i like some of his music, and his politics from what i've heard of them, always thought he seemed intelligent, but that's real;ly impressive. all i can think now is "no wonder chris rich wanted to go see this guy."

it's funny because the part about being brought up to think you're So Special...it does obtain, in certain classes and portions, at least, but i've been mulling over the opposite problem, of having been brought up in a subculture in which thinking you're special is borderline sinful. i asked my mother not long ago about certain things she said and did when i was a child, and she said it was the way she was brought up, and not easy to get past. i wonder why it's so hard to find the middle ground.

All I know of John Mayers is that he is a good musician, a good singer, he's got sexy voice and I love his music. I was not aware he comes off as an asshole sometimes, or that his politics are sometimes.... yeah, you get me.

Reading this blog of his just makes me want to go hug him. Sooooooooo true..... I was nodding my head in approval all through my reading.

Thanks for posting this bb!

This is why I had an issue with John Mayer before, but after seeing so many things from him I'm wondering if he was just like... drunk and on pills that day? *laugh* Because I can't see how a guy can go around calling women sluts for laughs and then write something like this. Does not compute.

ah gawker, a veritable paragon of truth and accuracy.

that's more likely the issue.

haha agreed! love his face in the picture, though.

Aww, John Mayer. I've always loved him and therefore always sort of defended him when people call him an ass, because I think his humor is similar to mine and so people tend to not know he's being funny, not assy.

That blog is beautiful.

that almost, ALMOST! brought tears to my eyes. quite possibly one of the most amazing things i've ever read.

1 john mayer and fall out boy, WHAT?

2 i used to be madly obsessed with this man. his music, his voice whe he speaks. and whoever said about the assholeness being sarcasm. it's so true. he's 50% vulnerable the world and to counteract he's cocky as hell. i don't listen to his new music, don't go to his message boards anymore, and don't really follow him much at all, but he's still pretty damn perfect.

01. yeah, he plays guitar on their cover of "beat it" (http://www.box.net/shared/z12wctoo4w) they just put out. it's rad!

02. like i said, i used to have a random hate-on for him, but i have to admit that he seems kind of amazing. and intelligent, which i love.

♥

i just read this on my syndicated feed of his blog, and i'm surprised to see you re-post it. but i'm happy, becaues he's pretty effing awesome, whether his music tickles your fancy or not.

and the poets were just kids who didn't make it.

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